Karma

Well let's see where I start.   So it's Saturday evening.   And not much has gone on since my last posting.   My aunt went to her doctor on Thursday for her check up after having a tumor removed from under her arm about two weeks ago.   It was good news.  All it was, was a fatty tumor.  No cancer.  So that was a plus.   Also found out that my little cousin had an e coli infection.   Which has gotten better since Thursday.   But as if she doesn't have enough problems as it is.   She also is having problems with her kidneys.   Which she went in for a ultrasound on Friday and everything seemed to be okay.   So I'm hoping everything stays on getting better.   Anyways, well I finally got to see my good friend Tyler on Wednesday night.   I haven't seen him in like 5 months.   My bff and I went over and chilled with him for a few hours.   We caught up on things, had some good laughs, and just had an overall good time.  Oh and I got to see Mariah, his tea cup chihuahua!   She is so cute!   Also on another note regarding that night, I found out some interesting information on someone.   And I won't be naming that person here either.   But I'm sure that person knows who I'm talking about.   Anyways, I don't need to talk about any bad or sore subjects here.  So to continue, I also made it to my group therapy session Thursday night.  Found out the reason the counselor didn't show up the prior Thursday was cuz he got in an accident.   But class was fun.  I had everyone laughing about my laziness, which was cool.   Made my feel a little more comfortable in class.   Plus we got out like 30 minutes early.   As for Friday day, I slept most of the day.   Didn't get a damn thing done.   The rest of my Friday night and Saturday morning/afternoon I'm not going to write about cuz it will just put me in a bad mood and I really don't need that right now.   So on the happy note, I'm chillin at home tonight with Ms. Thing, my cat.   She is my princess.   I have to be up early in the morning to do my community service from 7am to 12pm at the cemetery.   Hopefully it will go by fast.   Then back home and taking a nap.   And we'll see how my day goes from there.    As for this holiday week.   I will be spending Thanksgiving with my family and my bff's family.   I'll also be making food for both sides.   Totally looking forward to Thursday too.   A buffet of food.  YUM!!!    Can't wait.   Plus all the desserts.   Which will mostly all be pies.   But dessert is my fav course of the whole thing.   Will have to take pics and post to share with everyone.    Oh and last but not least, on a happy note for myself.   Before I went to jail in June, about a month before that I had met a guy online and hooked him up with a $140 bag of dope.   Needless to say he ripped me off and I didn't get the $140.   Well about a month later while I was in jail, I got transferred from a pod to the warehouse.   And I was put in the bunk right next to his.   Well when we realized who each other was and I said something about the $140, he of course denied it.   His stupid ass also ripped off a bunch of the other inmates and he had to get rolled out of the warehouse in protective custody cuz he was going to get beat up.   So last night I found out that he finally got sentenced.  He got 3.5 years in prison for identity theft, false reporting to the police, drug paraphernalia and who knows what else.   So I've looked at that situation as karma taking care of business.   I have to say, it's what he deserved.   Now I guess I will mention about last night and today.   People really should watch how they treat people.  Whether it be friends or strangers.   The world doesn't revolve around just one person.   Although some people would like to think so.   Plus when your spending time with friends, you shouldn't let something minor get in the way of chillin with someone.   Especially if that something can be taken care of when you guys aren't chillin together.   And a persons attitude regarding anything should not be taken out on someone else who has nothing to do with it.   And people really shouldn't let the minor things get to them so bad.   It just stresses them out and hurts those around them, then in the end, it was all easily fixed had the person just been patient and calm.   So I think that's all I have to say about last night and earlier today.  And I know my feelings really don't matter so I will not mention them at all here.   But I will say that my feelings were not good.  And karma can be a bigger bitch than me.

Another Year

So yesterday, Nov. 15th was my 34th birthday.   And another year has passed me by.....   or did it just sit on my head?   LOL!    Well it wasn't that great of a year, but wasn't that bad either.   The worst part I guess was just getting arrested and going to jail.   But I do have to admit, it was a good experience for me.   Plus I learned A LOT about myself.   And found out I have A LOT more support from family and friends then I expected.  Anyways, so not much has happened since my last posting.  My toe and foot are still on the mends from breaking my toe.   I went this past Saturday to do my community service, which was actually hard manual labor.   We went to the Tempe Police Substation and pulled/dug up some plant ground covering.   And it was not fun at all.   There were cockroaches and spiders galore.   BIG spiders.   And by the end of the 5 hours of service, my foot and toe had swelled up and bruised up some more.   But it is slowly getting better.  I just have to be careful with it and not trip over anything else.    LOL!   So the rest of my weekend was spent shopping with my mom on Saturday and Sunday.   We had a good time together.  We spent 3 hours at Walmart on Sunday.   What fun that was.  But I got 2 Christmas gifts for my bff Richard and one for my buddy Darren.   And I can't wait to give them their gifts.   I also reported into my PO on Monday and found out I would be getting a new PO.  Which is cool.  I currently have a female PO and will be getting a new female PO.   And I get along better with females anyways.   So its a good thing.   But everything went well when I went to report in.   I don't have to report back in for another month now.   So everything is going so far so good on that.   And as far as my birthday goes, I had a great birthday.   I spent it chillin with my buddy Darren.    We did nothing but just be lazy.   And I had a great time!   Thanks man.   Muah!    Well tomorrow night I have my next group counseling session.   The session for last Thursday never happened since the counselor didn't show up.   So everybody left including me.   We all waited around for like 30 minutes.   So we'll see how tomorrow night goes.   Plus the holidays are right around the corner.   Oh happy day......   Kind of looking forward to it I guess.   Well looking forward to the food at least.   Mom has all next week off work so we'll probably be doing a lot around the house and working on cleaning the garage.   Such excitement in my life.   Well that's all for now.   Till my next posting......

Hardship

Well here is my day 2 of "blogging".   And before I get into the real part of this.   I want say a few other things first.   I spent a lot of time yesterday and today out shopping with my mom.   We always have a great time together.  She bought me a new watch for my birthday yesterday, even though my birthday is a few days away.   But I saw it and wanted it so she got it for me.   Today we ran around from place to place that she needed to go to laughing and having a good time.   Oh and of course yesterday, there wasn't a moment that passed when we were at home that she wasn't saying, "watch out for the bench" or "don't trip over the bench".   LOL!   Yea, she's a real comedian.  I have the best mom in the world and love her with all my heart.    And btw, my little toe is on the mends.  It feels and looks a lot better.   I actually bruised all 3 of my little toes and half of the fourth one.  LOL!  I'm such a clutz.   Anyways, I did go down first thing this morning and gave my blood and time to the research project for the new HIV test.   And made my $25.   I went with a couple friends.  It only took me 10 minutes in there.  They had no problem getting my blood.  But the other two, well that's a whole different story.  It took both of them well over 20 minutes to get their blood.  One of them got poked 6 times and the other I think was like 4 or 5 times.  Man these boys have issues.   It only took me one poke and my blood was squirting out like a faucet.  LOL!   Anyways, and on top of all that I napped a lot today.   I do need my beauty rest you know.   It's not easy looking this good.   LOL!  I crack myself up.  

So now onto the hardship of the day.   Well one of my friends that went with us today, he and I had a talk this morning.   And I shared with him some of my feelings regarding a subject of something that happened between us.  And like always, I feel like I was in the wrong for sharing with him how it made me feel.  When in the same instance when the roles were once reversed, I observed his feelings on the situation at hand and took them to heart.   And never hid it from him.   But when the roles were reversed this time, he made me feel like he had no regards for my feelings, my life or my safety.   And when I brought it to his attention, he made me feel bad for telling him anything at all.   And that just doesn't seem fair to me.   I feel like I have always been there for him no matter what the situation between us is.   Especially when he is feeling down and depressed and really needs someone.   And I always put all my other feelings aside and I try to be completely there for him.   Yet in return for me sharing my feelings with him and telling him how he has made me feel, I get told how much I hate him, how bad of a person he is and that it seems to be my fault when something bad happens to him or he's having a bad day.   I really don't feel this is fair to me.   And I try to not let it get to me, but I really don't know what to do.   I'm just getting really tried of my feelings being tossed aside and not seeming to matter to anyone but me.   Everyone tells me I should kick his ass to the curb.   But they don't know him like I do.   They don't know the things he has had to deal with, the things he does deal with on an every day basis and the way I have seen people treat him.   They don't know how I've seen him treat himself and how he really feels about himself.   And they don't know that I've been there before in a lot of situations and I understand a lot of some of the things that he is going through and that's why it is so hard for me to let him go.   I once had a best friend who passed away a few years ago that stood by my side no matter how much of an asshole I was to him or how bad I treated him.   And it took time for me to realize that he really did love and care about me and my well being.   And I treated him the same way that this person is treating me.   So yes, it is very hard for me to turn my back on him.   I wish he would try and see things from being in my shoes.   From putting me in a situation where I was at risk, to making me feel bad for telling him how I felt.   All I can do right now is leave it in the hands of God/Our Creator/The Higher Power.   Only he can tell me when it's time to let him go.   Which I hope will be never because this person is a very good guy down deep, he just needs someone to love him and believe in him.   And if that person is reading this right now, please know I do care about you and love you and all I want is the best for you and for you to get yourself some help.   Cuz you don't deserve to be treated the way that some of these so called friends treat you.   You deserve way better that.   And I really hope that you see that.   And please try to put yourself in my shoes and see the situation from my point of view, in regards to what we discussed today.   And how bad it hurt me that you put me at risk without telling me, when I never did that to you without telling you first.  I luv ya man.  And please take care of yourself.  

My Test Drive

Okay folks.   So this is my first time at doing a blog, so we'll see how this goes.   I have no idea what to do this about.   So like always, I'm just going to let it flow.  

So first off, for those of you reading this who don't know me.   I was born and raised and currently live in Arizona, and love the 3 digit temps.   Most people think I'm crazy for that.  But I really don't like the cold weather or snow for that matter.   I'm currently unemployed so can't talk much on that.   I am going on 5 months of sobriety from meth and pot.   I've been doing drugs since I was 18.   My drug of choice is pot of course.   Meth sorta got thrown in there during time.   I have also tried cocaine and ecstasy and didn't like either one of them.    Cocaine I just didn't feel it and the ecstasy made me feel like I wanted to be nice to people.  Which I guess is supposed to be a good thing.   But I like being able to feel all my feelings and emotions.  Negative and positive both.   I do have a partner who I have been with for almost 3 years now.   He is currently incarcerated which has not made our relationship easy at all, but I do love him and I am waiting for his release.   Also please note that the subject of his incarceration is not open for discussion.   I am a very open minded person to almost anything and everything.  However I can not stand and will not deal with ignorant and closed minded individuals.   My mother is a very big part of my life as well, she is the only parent I have.   We left my father when I was 15 years old due to his abuse to my mother and I both.   My father put a gun to my head when I was 11 years old for telling him that I hated him.   And due to this, I am very big on locking people up who abuse children.   NO child should ever lose their sense of security and should never have to go through any traumatizing experience, that may cause them or inflict upon them any kind of mental trauma or disorder.   I support any and all people and organizations against child abuse and animal cruelty.     To continue, I do have a cat that I have had for 11 years now.   Her name is Lightning, but everyone calls her Ms. Thing, due to her attitude being just like her daddy's.   Her daddy being me.   And yes, to most people I do have attitude and a lot of people seem to think that I can be a real prick and asshole.   And that's fine.   I pride myself on standing up for myself and others, and not taking anyone's or putting up with anyone's bullshit.     I tend to be offensive sometimes, crass, blunt and to the point, but I don't believe in "beating around the bush".   "Beating around the bush" is for jacking off.   Oh and for those of you who missed it, I am gay, queer as a motherfucker.   But I can't stand faggots.   And yes I know that's wrong of me, cuz to each his own, but faggots are what cause gay men to get a bad name.   And I do believe that Homophobia is a HUGE problem in our society.   As if there isn't enough problems in the world already.   And finally I guess I will end this part with some of my likes.   My favorite colors are black and hunter green.   My favorite artists are Marilyn Manson as number one of course, followed by Rob Zombie, Madonna, and Lady Gaga.   I love horror and thriller movies and any movie by David Lynch.   I also enjoy reading Stephen King and Dean Koontz.   So that's just a bit about me.   Now on to the rest of this.    

Well it's Nov. 5th and 10 more days till my 34th birthday.   Man I'm getting old.   But at least I don't feel it.   Except for my little toe today.   Which I stubbed and it hurts like a motherfucker.   Plus on top of that I pulled a muscle in my neck and back so I can't really turn my head or lift my left arm.   Thank god I jack off with my right.   Oh god, I sound like I'm falling apart.  Ahh...   Chocolate.   YUMMY!!!    Anyways, so it seemed to be an eventful week, I had an HIV test done and it came back negative, YEA!!   And I will be going back on Monday to do another.  For research purposes.  And will be getting paid $25 to do it.   The company is testing a new product that they will be trying to bring out on the market to do home HIV tests.   I will be doing the test and then they will draw blood and test to see how accurate the test is.   And hey, it is for a good cause.   Anyways, I also had my first group therapy session this week.   It was fun I guess.   At least there was eye candy there to look at.   And that's important ya know.  LOL!    We discussed emotions, and how they affect us emotionally and physically.   And ways we might find to cope with negative feelings so as not to hurt ourselves and those around us.   I have 9 more group sessions to finish up what is required of me.   What fun that will be.   But at least it will be done and out of the way.   I was supposed to do community service today, but woke up in a lot of pain and didn't feel good at all.  So I will be trying to make it tomorrow.   Which will be at Double Butte Cemetery.   We'll be cleaning up the grounds, trimming trees, pulling dead and old flowers, etc.   And once I finish tomorrow I'll still have 364 hours left to do.   Sounds like a lot, but it could be worse.   So I'm happy with what I got.   On another note, I have been having issues with a friend.   And I'm trying so hard to have all the patience in the world with him.   I've been told by many of my other friends that all I have been is patient with him.  Any other person who has every treated me like he has I have kicked out of my life without a second thought.   But for some reason, I feel really attached to this person which makes it really difficult to drop him out of my life.   And the harder part is I really don't want to drop him out of my life.   He is a very cool person.  And has a big heart.   But sometimes, he's not in the right state of mind and let's other things get in the way of his thinking an judgment.  So I have let this situation just play out in god's hands.  Only god can let me know the right thing to do with him.   And so far it has not been to kick him out of my life.   So I will continue with our friendship until further notice.   Well folks I think that's it and I will end here for now.   Till next time......