Well here is my day 2 of "blogging". And before I get into the real part of this. I want say a few other things first. I spent a lot of time yesterday and today out shopping with my mom. We always have a great time together. She bought me a new watch for my birthday yesterday, even though my birthday is a few days away. But I saw it and wanted it so she got it for me. Today we ran around from place to place that she needed to go to laughing and having a good time. Oh and of course yesterday, there wasn't a moment that passed when we were at home that she wasn't saying, "watch out for the bench" or "don't trip over the bench". LOL! Yea, she's a real comedian. I have the best mom in the world and love her with all my heart. And btw, my little toe is on the mends. It feels and looks a lot better. I actually bruised all 3 of my little toes and half of the fourth one. LOL! I'm such a clutz. Anyways, I did go down first thing this morning and gave my blood and time to the research project for the new HIV test. And made my $25. I went with a couple friends. It only took me 10 minutes in there. They had no problem getting my blood. But the other two, well that's a whole different story. It took both of them well over 20 minutes to get their blood. One of them got poked 6 times and the other I think was like 4 or 5 times. Man these boys have issues. It only took me one poke and my blood was squirting out like a faucet. LOL! Anyways, and on top of all that I napped a lot today. I do need my beauty rest you know. It's not easy looking this good. LOL! I crack myself up.
So now onto the hardship of the day. Well one of my friends that went with us today, he and I had a talk this morning. And I shared with him some of my feelings regarding a subject of something that happened between us. And like always, I feel like I was in the wrong for sharing with him how it made me feel. When in the same instance when the roles were once reversed, I observed his feelings on the situation at hand and took them to heart. And never hid it from him. But when the roles were reversed this time, he made me feel like he had no regards for my feelings, my life or my safety. And when I brought it to his attention, he made me feel bad for telling him anything at all. And that just doesn't seem fair to me. I feel like I have always been there for him no matter what the situation between us is. Especially when he is feeling down and depressed and really needs someone. And I always put all my other feelings aside and I try to be completely there for him. Yet in return for me sharing my feelings with him and telling him how he has made me feel, I get told how much I hate him, how bad of a person he is and that it seems to be my fault when something bad happens to him or he's having a bad day. I really don't feel this is fair to me. And I try to not let it get to me, but I really don't know what to do. I'm just getting really tried of my feelings being tossed aside and not seeming to matter to anyone but me. Everyone tells me I should kick his ass to the curb. But they don't know him like I do. They don't know the things he has had to deal with, the things he does deal with on an every day basis and the way I have seen people treat him. They don't know how I've seen him treat himself and how he really feels about himself. And they don't know that I've been there before in a lot of situations and I understand a lot of some of the things that he is going through and that's why it is so hard for me to let him go. I once had a best friend who passed away a few years ago that stood by my side no matter how much of an asshole I was to him or how bad I treated him. And it took time for me to realize that he really did love and care about me and my well being. And I treated him the same way that this person is treating me. So yes, it is very hard for me to turn my back on him. I wish he would try and see things from being in my shoes. From putting me in a situation where I was at risk, to making me feel bad for telling him how I felt. All I can do right now is leave it in the hands of God/Our Creator/The Higher Power. Only he can tell me when it's time to let him go. Which I hope will be never because this person is a very good guy down deep, he just needs someone to love him and believe in him. And if that person is reading this right now, please know I do care about you and love you and all I want is the best for you and for you to get yourself some help. Cuz you don't deserve to be treated the way that some of these so called friends treat you. You deserve way better that. And I really hope that you see that. And please try to put yourself in my shoes and see the situation from my point of view, in regards to what we discussed today. And how bad it hurt me that you put me at risk without telling me, when I never did that to you without telling you first. I luv ya man. And please take care of yourself.
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